What Could Have Been Said
by Guardian54
Summary: This is basically me doodling/musing about some of the things in Naruto that could have been interpreted differently. For example, beating a man with one finger requires a glove too...
1. Finger of Tsunade

A/N: These are in no particular order and are essentially just doodles/musings regarding certain points in Naruto after reading too many Naruto fics. I said I'd stop with long works but never said anything about short crack pieces.

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#1: Finger of God… Ahem, Tsunade

"Brat, I could trash you with one finger, just one." Tsunade didn't bother listening to the yellow-haired younger Minato clone wannabe's blathering as she pulled on a glove… a rather large glove. "I could beat Jiraiya with one finger too, you know."

Now, her old teammate didn't like the look of what she was doing and cleared his throat, saying "I'm pretty sure I usually only let me punch you across the village because it would be worse otherwise?" Bah, the old pervert probably didn't want to look bad in front of his godson…

Tsunade ignored him "You know I'm the world's most renowned medic, right, brat?" The male blonde present nodded. "Then I note that you seem the right age to be starting puberty and need to investigate whether or not the Nine-Tails affects it. Take off your clothes."

Naruto flushed red while Jiraiya paled, hissing in panic "Don't tell me…"

"Unless you want a prostate exam too, Jiraiya, shut the hell up. You're more prone to prostate cancer at your age, you know. Alternatively, I could flick you somewhere else close to that…"

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A/N: My first thought on beating a man with one finger was basically One Thousand Years of Death (by humiliation).


	2. Why Ninjas Need Physics and Math

A/N: Bouncing a spell off the Moon, LOL.

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#2: Why Ninjas Need Physics and Math

"…Why isn't it working?" Madara tried the oldest trick in the book on fixing a complicated machine that didn't work. He kicked the huge statue thingy that he didn't really bother remembering the name of (besides, calling it what it was happened to be amusing too, particularly near the other Akatsuki morons… uh, members).

"I don't think he passed his physics class, or geography." Sakura stage-whispered, trying not to break out laughing at the madman's failure. "Or maybe he's so egocentric he cannot ditch flat-Earth and Geo-centrism."

Madara seemed to have no idea what they were talking about "Physics?" He could kill them later if they kept on being in his way, but for now he'd let them monologue a bit so he could get more information.

"Thanks to the distance to the Moon and its puny angular area in the sky, not only do you need to lead it correctly to get a good reflection if the Sharingan's hypnotic beams moves at the speed of light, you would have to exert an obscene enough amount of energy that that statue would vaporize long before you reach the necessary power threshold to bounce enough energy off the Moon to hypnotize the world, given the Tsukuyomi is an eye-to-eye illusion. That means you have to throw enough energy into the area of each human's eyes to hypnotize them. Given the area of the human eye exposed to the Moon versus the area of the Earth presented to the Moon, not to mention the fact that Earth is ROUND and so the Moon can never cover all of it at once, the amount of energy that needs to be radiated from Earth to the Moon to bounce enough back to cast your Infinite Tsukuyomi would vaporize the Elemental Nations."

Now, since Madara grew up and later went into exile before the Physics Revolution that came shortly after the formation of the Hidden Villages, this practically blew his mind. In fact, in his denial, he glared at Sakura and tried to cast the Infinite Tsukuyomi. Unfortunately for him… "Naruto, you can kill him now. I think he managed to lock himself in his own mind… maybe they hadn't invented one-way mirrors back in his time…"

Tenten, who had been fighting nearby and had run over in the meantime, added, while Madara's army was busy being stupefied by the utter failure of the Infinite Tsukuyomi to activate, put in her two cents "No, I think it's an expression of why physical technologies still exist and we don't do everything by seals."

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A/N: Stay modern!

REVIEW PLZ


	3. Pupils of the Hyuuga

A/N: So after the nth time I've heard pre-cum as "aw, *name* junior is crying…" I decided, well…

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Chapter 3: Pupils of the Hyuuga

"Looks like he's pupil-less again." Someone said.

"Yeah, all three of his pupils run off as soon as he dismisses them, wonder why…" That was someone else.

"Hmm… Three pupils?" This time it was a woman.

"Yeah, surely he's short a few more holes than just in his irises."

Hiashi rolled his eyes mentally, thinking about how the idiots just refused to perceive the permanent chakra lenses in his eyes for what they were. Well, that was a good thing that they didn't know, but still…

"You ever wonder why his wife's family was famed for fertility but he only has two daughters instead of the horde that her sisters and cousins each produced?" Someone else said. "Surely the downstairs eye that weeps when it gets too excited also has some pupil problems."

Hiashi decided to leave the conversation before his brother's muffled laughter next to him got to him too much.

"Hizashi, I'm never taking a Genin team again after this."

"Nor pupils, brother?"

"That's not funny."

"Really? I thought it was funny when your wife realized how the Seal policies work and almost beat you into infertility for 'tricking her into having another child'."

Hiashi decided not to deign replying.

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A/N: This is why no Hyuuga clan Jonin-sensei were ever depicted in Naruto canon.


End file.
